管理营销信息化解决方案:2019-1-212014盛世鼎藏(字画全彩板)肯Th肯Th:云 散 风 流:比 喻 事 物 四 散 消 失。恨散恨散:刚 才 办 公 室mm问 我 为 什 么 另 一 个mm能 玩 的 游 戏 在 她 的 机 器 上 要s机。答 曰,可 能 显 卡 驱 动 不 行。mm遂 要 求 帮 助 下 载 最 新 版,并 安 装。答 曰,我 有 什 么 好 处。mm说:“最 多 我 让 你 玩 一 会 儿 好 了”。0.01秒 后,桌 子 上、椅 子 上 全 看 不 到 人 了,除 了 那 个mm....(搞 不 清 楚 为 什 么 大 家 都 到 地 上 找 笔 去 了)。程rL程rL:The Mean Mans PartyThe notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot?""Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"吝 啬 鬼 的 聚 会 一 个 声 名 狼 藉 的 小 气 鬼 终 于 决 定 要 请 一 次 客 了。他 在 向 一 个 朋 友 解 释 怎 么 找 到 他 家 时 说:“你 上 到 五 楼,用 你 的 胳 膊 肘 按 门 铃。门 开 了 后,再 用 你 的 脚 把 门 推 开。”“为 什 么 我 要 用 我 的 肘 和 脚 呢?”“天 哪!” 吝 啬 鬼 回 答,“你 总 不 会 空 着 手 来 吧?”愿J3愿J3:今 天 终 于 知 道 自 己 为 什 么 屁 股 大 了。因 为 有 一 屁 股 债!一 屁 股 债!vv肃vv肃:周 一 上 班,同 事 问 我:情 人 节 晚 上 大 家 都 开 房 去 了,你 是 不 是 又 自 己 在 家 撸 啊?我 气 的 一 巴 掌 就 扇 他 脸 上:你 特 么 不 是 废 话 么!音视频语音文字传输:2019-1-21北京城市网络股份有限公司村wy村wy:鬼 节 的 半 夜 醒 来,迷 糊 中 感 觉 自 己 好 像 被 什 么 东 西 压 得 喘 不 过 气,睁 开 眼 见 到 一 个 诡 秘 的 笑 脸,我 吓 得 一 激 灵,原 来 是 我 媳 妇 这 个 胖 子 压 我 身 上 了。ZuRyZuRy:我 用 录 音 笔 录 下 了 数 学 老 师 的 每 一 堂 课。大 家 都 夸 我 学 习 态 度 认 真。我 谦 虚 地 说,其 实 这 也 是 出 于 无 奈,毕 竟 自 己 脑 子 实 在 太 笨,吃 药 又 不 管 用,实 在 想 不 出 别 的 办 法 治 疗 自 己 的 失 眠。趣UW趣UW:一 个 地 主 心 血 来 潮,让 他 那 个 村 的 希 腊 正 教 神 甫 和 犹 太 经 师 答 辩。谁 先 回 答 不 出 对 方 提 的 问 题,就 砍 谁 的 脑 袋。犹 太 经 师 不 愿 拿 生 命 去 赌 博。一 个 几 乎 一 字 不 识 的 犹 太 马 车 夫 自 告 奋 勇 代 替 犹 太 经 师 前 去。不 过 他 要 求 第 一 个 提 问。神 甫 看 到 他 的 对 手 是 这 样 一 个 无 能 之 辈,就 不 假 思 索 地 同 意 了。马 车 夫 问:“einei jodea(希 伯 来 文:我 不 知 道)是 什 么 意 思?” 神 甫 通 晓 希 伯 来 文,马 上 回 答 说:“我 不 知 道。”——这 一 下 便 要 了 他 的 脑 袋。所 有 的 犹 太 人 都 赞 赏 这 位 天 才 马 车 夫 想 出 的 高 招。他 们 都 想 知 道:“你 是 怎 么 琢 磨 出 来 的 呀!”马 车 夫 解 释 说:“事 情 是 这 样 的。几 年 前,我 问 拉 比,eineiAjodea是 什 么 意 思?拉 比 说:我 不 知 道。所 以 我 想,连 拉 比 都 不 知 道,那 末,神 甫 肯 定 不 会 知 道。”混姥混姥:人 生 如 一 局 棋,应 该 多 一 些 主 动 的 出 击,少 一 些 消 极 的 退 缩。津盗津盗:一 大 汉 被 高 手 打 败,高 手 说:我 是 练 跆 拳 道 的;高 手 被 大 侠 打 败,大 侠 说:我 是 练 截 拳 道 的;大 侠 被 大 妈 打 败,大 妈 说:我 是 挤 公 交 的。图形图像识别机器视觉:2019-1-21做一个健康的职业女性循9P循9P:一 天 小 明 和 妈 妈 洗 澡,小 明 问 妈 妈 下 面 黑 乎 乎 的 是 什 么 我 怎 么 没 有?妈 妈 说 是 黑 海 绵,用 来 吸 水 的 你 长 大 就 有 了。过 几 天 小 明 对 爸 爸 说,隔 壁 的 王 叔 叔 用 妈 妈 的 黑 海 棉 擦 嘴。9M抛9M抛:枕 典 席 文:指 以 典 籍 为 伴,勤 于 读 书 学 习。喘遣喘遣:有 一 天,一 个 实 习 医 生 跟 一 个 老 医 师 查 病 房,忽 然 实 习 医 生 觉 得 很 纳 闷,便 问 老 医 生 说:“为 什 么 你 要 夹 一 支 温 度 计 在 你 耳 朵 上 呢?”老 医 生 摸 摸 自 己 的 耳 朵 很 恐 惧 地 说:“完 了!我 一 定 把 我 的 钢 笔 插 在 某 人 的 肛 门 了!”塑疾塑疾:一 个 女 同 事 问:“七 夕 是 一 个 人 吗?”我 无 语。“喂,问 你 呢!”我 接 着 无 语。“问 你 七 夕 是 一 个 人 吗?”我 说:“你 这 不 是 废 话 吗?七 夕 我 不 是 一 个 人 还 是 一 条 狗 啊?”盟JJ盟JJ:蜻 蜓 点 水:指 蜻 蜓 在 水 面 飞 行 时 用 尾 部 轻 触 水 面 的 动 作。比 喻 做 事 肤 浅 不 深 入。建模仿真虚拟现实:2019-1-21电梯引曳钢丝绳工程招标公告扑梯扑梯:贪 而 无 信:贪 婪 而 又 不 守 信 用。奏O8奏O8:我 国 研 究 人 员 发 表 报 告,称 发 现 了 石 头 剪 刀 布 的 一 个 制 胜 策 略:如 果 你 是 输 家,下 一 轮 换 用 能 打 败 对 手 的 出 手;如 果 你 是 赢 家,下 一 轮 不 要 再 使 用 原 来 的 出 手。也 就 是 说,你 用 石 头 打 败 了 剪 刀,那 么 下 一 轮 你 不 能 再 出 石 头,而 应 该 出 剪 刀。Lh忌Lh忌:一 朋 友 在 殡 仪 馆 守 灵,半 夜 闲 着 无 聊,就 用 微 信 搜 附 近 的 人,竟 搜 到 一 妹 子,随 即 给 妹 子 发 了 条 儿 信 息。过 了 半 天 收 到 对 方 回 复:大 哥,能 给 俺 烧 台iphone5吗?喜 欢 白 色 的!谢 谢!好 人 一 生 平 安!1c571c57:一 对 恋 人 在 通 信 时 附 庸 风 雅,乱 用 词 汇,结 果 闹 出 了 一 个 大 笑 话。男 的 写 道:“亲 爱 的,想 我 们 不 久 前 还 素 不 相 识,可 如 今 已 经 熟 视 无 睹 了……”女 的 复 道:“亲 爱 的,你 说 得 太 好 了,我 不 仅 对 你 熟 视 无 睹,而 且 还 横 眉 冷 对 哩! ”n3nfn3nf:世 风 日 下:指 社 会 风 气 一 天 不 如 一 天。物联网大数据云计算:2019-1-21北京金蛇有限公司问溪问溪:早 餐 摊 前,一 女 子 领 一 五 岁 男 孩 买 包 子,男 孩 拿 一 包 子 掉 在 了 地 上,女 人 从 容 地 捡 起 来 又 放 入 了 袋 子,男 孩 又 要 那 个 包 子,女 人 一 打 男 孩 的 手:“不 懂 事,那 个 脏 了,回 家 给 你 爸 吃。”多 么 痛 的 领 悟!希驴希驴:通 风 报 信:把 对 立 双 方 中 一 方 的 机 密 暗 中 告 诉 另 一 方。外七外七:掐 着 一 只 大 公 鸡 的 脖 子 却 不 敢 下 刀,踌 躇 良 久,那 只 鸡 竟 然 被 俺 掐 死 了。uiKKuiKK:刚 才 一 同 事 偷 偷 摸 摸 的 跑 来 问 我:这 个 么 么 哒 是 什 么 意 思 啊?昨 天 一 个 妹 子 发 了 个 给 我,看 不 懂,太 晚 了 也 没 好 意 思 问 你。我 说:兄 弟,叫 你 平 时 多 学 习,你 不 好 好 学,现 在 不 是 么 么 哒 的 事,是 你 错 过 啪 啪 啪 的 问 题 了。架og架og:上 初 中 时,宿 舍 有 一 货 相 当 闷 坏,有 天 上 英 语 课 被 大 胖 子 英 语 老 师 狠 拎 了 耳 朵。这 货 也 没 吭 声,我 们 宿 舍 人 觉 得 不 像 这 逼 作 风 啊,结 果 这 货 下 了 晚 自 习,把 英 语 老 师 电 瓶 车 的 电 门 拧 到 底,用101胶 水 粘 上!老 师 回 家 时 钥 匙 一 拧,人 和 车 直 接 射 出 去 了,那 场 面 实 在 无 法 直 视!驱动程序中间件接口:2019-1-21Visual门腹门腹:胆 小 的 阿 月 随 团 参 观 德 国 古 堡,古 堡 内 阴 风 阵 阵、鬼 气 森 森。阿 月 便 胆 颤 心 惊 的 问 站 在 一 旁 的 城 堡 执 事:“你 们 这 里 有 没 有 闹 鬼 呀?”“胡 说 八 道!”执 事 一 听 勃 然 色 变:“鄙 人 在 此 服 务 三 百 年 了,从 来 没 看 过 什 么 鬼 不 鬼 的!”瞒7E瞒7E:两 个 醉 汉 在 路 上 走 着,其 中 一 个 看 到 路 边 有 一 面 镜 子,便 走 过 去 捡 了 起 来,对 着 镜 子 说:“这 是 怎 么 回 事?这 个 人 好 面 熟 啊!!”他 的 同 伴 走 了 过 来,说:“让 我 来 看 看!。。。笨 蛋,你 怎 么 连 我 都 不 认 识 了?”国活国活:It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”“Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner圣 诞 佳 节 到 来,法 官 心 情 愉 悦 的 问 受 刑 人:“你 做 了 什 么 坏 事 啊?”“我 今 年 圣 诞 节 购 物 早 了 些。”犯 人 回 答。“那 并 不 事 件 坏 事”,法 官 说:“到 底 多 早 之 前 啊?”“商 店 开 门 之 前。”犯 人 答 道。JP碌JP碌:坐 在 医 生 面 前 的 病 人 冻 得 浑 身 哆 嗦。医 生:“仅 仅 为 了 捞 回 帽 子,你 就 跳 到 那 冰 冷 的 江 水 中 么?要 知 道,你 会 冻 死 的。”病 人:“我 知 道,但 我 非 得 捞 回 我 的 帽 子 不 可。冬 天 如 果 不 戴 帽 子 走 路,我 会 感 冒 的。”gn1Mgn1M:问:女 人 和 冰 箱 的 相 同 点 和 不 同 点?答:相 同 点 是 都 能 装 东 西。不 同 点 是 冰 箱 是 软 的 进 去 硬 的 出 来,而 女 人 是 硬 的 进 去 软 的 出 来。传感器嵌入式通信协议:2019-1-21北京怡莲礼业科技发展有限公司甘尚甘尚:大 多 数 人 想 要 改 造 这 个 世 界,但 却 罕 有 人 想 改 造 自 己。ux菌ux菌:一 女 工 家 里 房 屋 漏 水,请 假 一 天 修 房。次 日,她 托 人 捎 假 条 给 单 位,领 导 一 看,吓 软 双 腿。假 条 写 到:房 事 未 完,流 水 太 多,无 法 控 制,特 请 假 在 搞 一 天。亡@1亡@1:昨 天 我 在 圆 环 吃 路 边 摊 看 到 两 醉 鬼 真 没 把 我 给 笑 死 醉 鬼 甲:你 醉 了 吗?醉 鬼 乙:没 醉。醉 鬼 甲:你 说 你 没 醉 啊 你 说 话 舌 头 都 短 啦!醉 鬼 乙:你 的 舌 头 也 不 长 了。醉 鬼 甲:你 说 你 没 醉 是 吧!好!(顺 手 拿 出 一 个 手 电 筒)醉 鬼 乙:干 甚 麽?醉 鬼 甲:(把 手 电 筒 打 开)你 瞧 这 手 电 筒 不 是 照 出 一 条 光 柱 吗?醉 鬼 甲:你 要 是 没 醉 就 顺 著 这 光 柱 给 我 爬 上 去。醉 鬼 乙:你 别 唬 我,我 懂!等 一 下 我 假 如 爬 上 去 你 把 手 电 筒 关 掉 我 摔 下 来 怎 麽 办 啊?Zm绞Zm绞:不 羁 之 士:羁:拘 束;士:读 书 人。不 受 拘 束 的 读 书 人。ZL偶ZL偶:八 十 岁 老 头 娶 二 十 少 女,不 久 少 女 怀 孕,老 头 带 少 女 去 医 院 检 查。 老 头 问 医 生:是 不 是 我 的? 医 生:我 先 给 你 讲 个 故 事。 一 个 人 拿 着 一 把 水 枪 在 森 林 里,遇 上 一 只 恶 虎,那 人 慌 张 一 抬 枪,老 虎 死 了。为 什 么? 老 头:肯 定 有 人 在 后 面 放 冷 枪!?医 生 不 语……测试测量组态控制:2019-1-21远程控制代码9I富9I富:有 一 人 心 急 火 燎 地 跑 向 公 共 厕 所,厕 所 前 排 着 长 队,他 只 好 站 在 最 后 一 个。好 容 易 等 到 前 面 只 剩 下 一 个 人 了,他 实 在 是 憋 不 住 对 前 面 的 人 说:“我 快 憋 不 住 了,能 不 能 让 我 先 进?”前 面 的 人 紧 握 着 拳 头,从 牙 缝 儿 挤 出 一 句 话:“他 妈 的,你 至 少 还 能 说 话!利fR利fR:时 间 是 治 疗 心 灵 创 伤 的 大 师,但 绝 不 是 解 决 问 题 的 高 手。善淋善淋:“为 什 么 这 样 对 我,你 要 知 道 两 男 人 在 一 起 是 不 会 开 花 结 果 的!”“有 菊 花 开 就 够 了!”mC碰mC碰:蔽 明 塞 聪:蔽:遮;聪:听 觉 灵 敏;明:看 得 清 楚。蒙 住 眼 睛 不 看,堵 塞 耳 朵 不 听。指 对 外 界 事 物 不 闻 不 问。摆7t摆7t:年 纪 大 了,喝 杯 冰 啤 酒 都 想 往 里 面 加 两 个 枸 杞。
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